Oct
20
2014
1

Minor Key Monday 58: R.E.O. Speedwagon – Ridin’ the Storm Out


I always have to stop myself when I say I like “all kinds of music”.  Because, honestly, that just isn’t true, there is really only one kind of music I like.  No, not [just] Black Metal, I’m talking about music in a minor key.  I mean, I’m a pretty happy guy, but there is something about sad, sad songs that just does it for me.  I don’t dislike Vivaldi’s “Spring” and “Fall”, but I far prefer “Summer” and “Winter” (guess which seasons he writes in a minor key).  “Satisfaction” is a fine song, but I’d rather listen to “Paint it Black” any day…you get the idea.  Basically, it don’t mean a thing if it ain’t got that sting [of soul crushing sorrow and sadness].

This month on Minor Key Monday I discuss one of those classic rock songs I love, but can never remember the name of: (more…)

Written by Isley Unruh in: Minor Key Monday,Monthly Mondays,Music |
Oct
15
2014
1

Mid-month Metal Masterpiece 58: W.A.S.P. – W.A.S.P. (1984)

W.A.S.P. self titled original cover

Any metalhead worth their salt will tell you that Glam music is SO NOT METAL. However, no metalhead worth their salt would ever suggest that W.A.S.P. should “leave the hall,” despite W.A.S.P.’s sketchy generic classification which usually lists them as a “hard rock” influenced metal band–at best. Still, no amount of make-up and album cover duckfacing is going to keep me from appreciating one of the greatest bands of all time, not matter what the purity of their metal may or may not be. (more…)

Written by Isley Unruh in: Mid-Month Metal Masterpiece,Music |
Oct
13
2014
0

My Favorite Movies 58: Dr. Strangelove (Stanley Kubrick, 1964)

Dr Strangelove bomb ride

Comedy is always best when played straight.  I mean, don’t get me wrong, I’m not, by any means, casting aspersions Caddyshack‘s way, I’m just saying that a deadpan delivery can pay more dividends than loudly farting while wearing plaid pants.  Ok, fine, at least it can pay equal dividends. Dr. Strangelove, while it isn’t without its silly bits, is well aware that playing it straight can be the best way to play it, especially when making light of the end of all life as we know it. (more…)

Oct
06
2014
6

Mailbag Monday 65


Want to have your pressing questions answered by Isley Unruh himself? Send all queries HERE, and I will get to them as soon as I can on a future Mailbag Monday!

Welcome back to Mailbag Monday!  On the first Monday of every month, I take the time from my busy blogging schedule to answer all of my reader’s most pressing questions! Sure, I might have begged, bribed and cajoled my readers into sending me these questions in the first place, but, that still totally counts as reader mail!
This month I answer the following questions:

  • “It seems like most of your bands use a lot of upside down crosses and pentagrams.  Do the band members actually worship Satan?”
    -Laura
  • “Can you list some different butt wiping techniques?”
    -Chaddyboy

So, without further ado, it is time to dig into the old Mailbag to see what kind of things have been on my readers’ minds in the last month! (more…)

Written by Isley Unruh in: Bathroom Humor,Humor,Mailbag Monday,Monthly Mondays |
Oct
01
2014
0

Monthly Movie Reviews – September, 2014

Here are some two sentence reviews of the movies I watched in September.

Stats

(more…)

Written by Isley Unruh in: Cinema,Monthly Movie Reviews |
Sep
29
2014
6

IO5M 9: The Top Five Signs That the Underground Metal Band You Are Listening To Might Be Racist

Нежеголь (Nezhegol) - Украина

Welcome back to my most infrequently occurring Monday feature!  I’m speaking, of course, of Infrequently Occurring Fifth Monday (IO5M), where I come up with a new “top 5″ list on a quad-yearly basis.

I can sometimes sail some dark waters in my quest for new, shitty-sounding underground metal.  And it’s not a secret that some of the bands that swim in those dark waters can paddle pretty far to the right.  However, unlike the metal underground’s clear and unambiguous love for our Dark Lord and Master Satan™, many of these racist bands keep their affair with Hitler just a bit under the radar.  Maybe it’s just so they can still sell their albums in Germany, or maybe it’s because they are trying to sneak a bit of stealth racism through to unsuspecting metalhead consumers, but, whatever the reason, it can sometimes be tricky to figure out if that new band Pagan Blood Hammer that you just discovered might also happen to be a wee bit racist.

So, today, I’ve put together a helpful list of the top five signs that the underground metal band to which you are listening might be a little racist.  I’m not talking about bands that wear their racism openly in their horrible band names and song titles on albums peppered with swastikas and poorly photoshopped collages of Nazi troops marching through mass graves.  Instead I’m trying to focus on those bands that try to disguise their more troublesome ideological leanings from the unsuspecting layman.  None of the items on today’s top five list are iron-clad signs of a band’s racism, but in a metal underground that knows full well the value and power of symbols, I’d say that a band that adopts any of the items on this list in their imagery might at least have some problematic views on immigration. (more…)

Sep
22
2014
2

Middle-earth Monday 57: The Endless Stair, and Durin’s Tower

durin's tower map fonstead
Welcome back to everyone’s favorite www.isleyunruh.com Monday feature! Middle-earth being the land of enchantment and wonder that it is, each month I will use my love of fictional cartography to transport you to another time and place. So, why not take a moment to fill your head full of knowledge that will have no bearing at all on the real world?

This month I discuss the highest tower in Arda (post-breaking of Thangorodrim, of course): (more…)

Sep
15
2014
0

Minor Key Monday 57: Timbaland – The Way I Are

I always have to stop myself when I say I like “all kinds of music”.  Because, honestly, that just isn’t true, there is really only one kind of music I like.  No, not [just] Black Metal, I’m talking about music in a minor key.  I mean, I’m a pretty happy guy, but there is something about sad, sad songs that just does it for me.  I don’t dislike Vivaldi’s “Spring” and “Fall”, but I far prefer “Summer” and “Winter” (guess which seasons he writes in a minor key).  “Satisfaction” is a fine song, but I’d rather listen to “Paint it Black” any day…you get the idea.  Basically, it don’t mean a thing if it ain’t got that sting [of soul crushing sorrow and sadness].

This month on Minor Key Monday I discuss a song that was apparently even too embarrassing for a peripheral character from the Step Up franchise to like: (more…)

Written by Isley Unruh in: Minor Key Monday,Monthly Mondays,Music |
Sep
15
2014
2

Mid-month Metal Masterpiece 57: Blasphemy – Blood upon the Altar (1989)

Blasphemy Blood upon the Altar original

1989 was a pretty brutal year for extreme metal.  Grindcore and death metal had finally used the knowledge culled from a decade of metal malevolence to produce some of the filthiest recordings in the history of music. However, none were quite as filthy, quite as brutal, and quite jaw-droppingly evil as Blasphemy’s debut demo Blood upon the Altar. (more…)

Written by Isley Unruh in: Black Metal,Mid-Month Metal Masterpiece,Music |
Sep
08
2014
0

My Favorite Movies 57: It Happened One Night (Frank Capra, 1934)

It happened one night moonlit haystack

People watch romantic comedies for one main reason: to experience the vicarious thrill of seeing a Hollywood fantasy version of love that can never (or, perhaps, rarely) be found in real life.  In a romantic comedy, nothing truly horrible ever happens, soul mates always find each other, and true love always triumphs over everything the usual third act misunderstanding can throw at it.  It Happened One Night is the granddaddy of all romantic comedies, and, for my money, it is also still the best one. (more…)

Sep
01
2014
3

Mailbag Monday 64


Want to have your pressing questions answered by Isley Unruh himself? Send all queries HERE, and I will get to them as soon as I can on a future Mailbag Monday!

Welcome back to Mailbag Monday!  On the first Monday of every month, I take the time from my busy blogging schedule to answer all of my reader’s most pressing questions! Sure, I might have begged, bribed and cajoled my readers into sending me these questions in the first place, but, that still totally counts as reader mail!
This month I answer the following questions:

  • “How can someone determine if Isley has had too much to drink?”
    -Rebecca
  • “How’s your game life going?”
    -Pandora

So, without further ado, it is time to dig into the old Mailbag to see what kind of things have been on my readers’ minds in the last month! (more…)

Written by Isley Unruh in: Humor,Mailbag Monday,Monthly Mondays |
Sep
01
2014
0

Monthly Movie Reviews – August, 2014

Here are some two sentence reviews of the movies I watched in August.

Stats

  • Movies watched – 7
  • Movies that were new to me – 3
  • Percent fewer movies than last month – 71%
  • Monthly Masterpieces – CasablancaBoyhood

  (more…)

Written by Isley Unruh in: Cinema,Monthly Movie Reviews |
Aug
25
2014
1

Middle-earth Monday 56: The Glittering Caves

glittering caves map

Welcome back to everyone’s favorite www.isleyunruh.com Monday feature! Middle-earth being the land of enchantment and wonder that it is, each month I will use my love of fictional cartography to transport you to another time and place. So, why not take a moment to fill your head full of knowledge that will have no bearing at all on the real world?

This month I discuss the most spectacularly beautiful cave system in Middle-earth: (more…)

Aug
18
2014
4

Minor Key Monday 56: Mumford and Sons – I Gave You All

I always have to stop myself when I say I like “all kinds of music”.  Because, honestly, that just isn’t true, there is really only one kind of music I like.  No, not [just] Black Metal, I’m talking about music in a minor key.  I mean, I’m a pretty happy guy, but there is something about sad, sad songs that just does it for me.  I don’t dislike Vivaldi’s “Spring” and “Fall”, but I far prefer “Summer” and “Winter” (guess which seasons he writes in a minor key).  “Satisfaction” is a fine song, but I’d rather listen to “Paint it Black” any day…you get the idea.  Basically, it don’t mean a thing if it ain’t got that sting [of soul crushing sorrow and sadness]

This month on Minor Key Monday I talk one of those rare banjo-centered songs that I actually quite like: (more…)

Written by Isley Unruh in: Minor Key Monday,Monthly Mondays,Music |
Aug
15
2014
1

Mid-month Metal Masterpiece 56: Inquisition – Invoking the Majestic Throne of Satan (2002)

Inquisition Invoking cover

Inquisition is one of those 3rd (4th?) wave black metal bands from the early 2000s that I missed during my half decade break from discovering new music.  Not that they were going to be able to stay off my radar for all that long–after all, their unique approach to black metal really makes them stand out as one of the most creative and interesting bands of the last decade.  Today’s album, Invoking the Majestic Throne of Satan, was the first album of theirs I really got to know, and is still one of their greatest works. (more…)

Written by Isley Unruh in: Black Metal,Mid-Month Metal Masterpiece,Music |
Aug
11
2014
0

My Favorite Movies 56: Gunga Din (George Stevens, 1939)

Gunga Din Snake Pit Scene

Exotic locales, daring displays of machismo, and high adventure–in addition to being the basic ingredients for a Bond movie, these are also some of my favorite things to watch in non-Bond movies as well.  Unfortunately, most of the time when you combine all those things, your end product might just end up being somewhat problematically racist and/or sexist.  And, everything is going to get especially problematic when you have a movie made in the 1930s that couples those things with a poem by Rudyard Kipling–a poet whose career might be summed up by the joke: “You might be a racist if Arghoslent uses your poetry as the title of one of their albums.”  However, if you look past the cringe inducing imperialism, horrific non-white bodycount, and smug boys will be boys attitude, Gunga Din is one hell of a great adventure film! (more…)

Aug
06
2014
3

An Open Letter to ABC RE: Your so-called ReaLARPy show, The Quest

Everrealm-map-the-quest

Greetings ABC television network.  Eugene Pendergrass here, you may know me from such extraordinarily exasperated open letters as, “An Open Letter to The CW RE: Your imbecilic decision to cancel Arrow,” “An Open Letter to www.isleyunruh.com RE: Your comically inept attempts at fictional cartography,” “An Open Letter to Peter Jackson RE: Restricting The Hobbit to Three Movies,”  “An Open Letter to the New York Times RE: Your woeful lack of fictional fact checking,” “An Open Letter to www.isleyunruh.com RE: Your “reevaluation” of The Lord of the Rings,” “An open letter to www.isleyunruh.com RE: The “Make it Rain” parody video,” “An open letter to Wizards of the Coast RE: D&D 4.0 rules changes,” and “An open letter to Wizards of the Coast RE: Magic 2010 Rules Changes.”

Ah ABC, the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull of television networks.  How many times has the thought of writing your network one of my infamous open letters flitted across my fingertips like the tentative, pixelated embrace of a shy, but curious, hentai schoolgirl (of legal age, of course).  It was all I could do to keep my internet rage in check when you squatted down and dropped a steaming brick onto the saran-wrapped face of my beloved Deathlok in Marvel’s Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D.  And, though the inclusion of the Frozen universe into Once Upon a Time was one cruel, unlubricated thrust too many in the unending anal violation you have wrought upon the land of fairy with that show–I again stayed my hand.  But, your LARP focused reality show (or, as I call it, a ReaLARPy show), The Quest, has misfired so badly that I find myself unable to keep from unleashing, as I have so many times before, the KRAKEN of my internet RAEG. (more…)

Written by Isley Unruh in: Nerd Open Letters |
Aug
04
2014
8

Mailbag Monday 63

Want to have your pressing questions answered by Isley Unruh himself? Send all queries HERE, and I will get to them as soon as I can on a future Mailbag Monday!

Welcome back to Mailbag Monday!  On the first Monday of every month, I take the time from my busy blogging schedule to answer all of my reader’s most pressing questions! Sure, I might have begged, bribed and cajoled my readers into sending me these questions in the first place, but, that still totally counts as reader mail!

This month I answer the following questions:

  • “When playing a board game, is one allowed to sabotage oneself – assuming it is within the rules?”
    -Danny
  • “Minor keys no longer exist…what is now your favorite song?”
    -Brian

So, without further ado, it is time to dig into the old Mailbag to see what kind of things have been on my readers’ minds in the last month! (more…)

Written by Isley Unruh in: Humor,Mailbag Monday,Monthly Mondays |
Aug
01
2014
0

Monthly Movie Reviews – July, 2014

Here are some two sentence reviews of the movies I watched in July.

Stats

(more…)

Written by Isley Unruh in: Cinema,Monthly Movie Reviews |
Jul
27
2014
0

Middle-earth Monday 55: The Swanfleet

swanfleet map

Welcome back to everyone’s favorite www.isleyunruh.com Monday feature! Middle-earth being the land of enchantment and wonder that it is, each month I will use my love of fictional cartography to transport you to another time and place. So, why not take a moment to fill your head full of knowledge that will have no bearing at all on the real world?

This month I discuss one of the two (along with the Gladden Fields) loveliest swamps in Middle-earth: (more…)

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