May
01
2015
0

Monthly Movie Reviews – April, 2015

Here are some two sentence reviews of the movies I watched in April.

Stats

  • Movies watched – 14
  • Movies that were new to me – 7
  • All time favorite movies watched within a day of each other – 2
  • Monthly Masterpieces – TenThis is Spinal Tap, Dazed and Confused

(more…)

Written by Isley Unruh in: Cinema,Monthly Movie Reviews |
Apr
27
2015
0

Middle-earth Monday 64: The Desert of Lostladen

desert of lothland painting

Welcome back to everyone’s favorite www.isleyunruh.com Monday feature! Middle-earth being the land of enchantment and wonder that it is, each month I will use my love of fictional cartography to transport you to another time and place. So, why not take a moment to fill your head full of knowledge that will have no bearing at all on the real world?

This month I discuss a desert of Near Harad that reached all the way to the foot of the Mountains of Shadow: (more…)

Apr
20
2015
0

Minor Key Monday 64: Das Ich – Kain und Abel

I always have to stop myself when I say I like “all kinds of music”. Because, honestly, that just isn’t true, there is really only one kind of music I like. No, not [just] Black Metal, I’m talking about music in a minor key. I mean, I’m a pretty happy guy, but there is something about sad, sad songs that just does it for me. I don’t dislike Vivaldi’s “Spring” and “Fall”, but I far prefer “Summer” and “Winter” (guess which seasons he writes in a minor key). “Satisfaction” is a fine song, but I’d rather listen to “Paint it Black” any day…you get the idea. Basically, it don’t mean a thing if it ain’t got that sting [of soul crushing sorrow and sadness].

This month on Minor Key Monday I look at that genre I really need to spend more time looking at–darkwave: (more…)

Written by Isley Unruh in: Minor Key Monday,Monthly Mondays |
Apr
15
2015
1

Mid-month Metal Masterpiece 64: Deathslayer – Cry of the Swords (1984)

deathslayer cry of the swords

I’ve discussed this many times before on this feature, but elitist metalhead snobs LOVE finding bands like Deathslayer.  This New York based group recorded two demos in the early 80s and then just kind of disappeared. But, thanks to a song of theirs ending up on a “New York Metal – 84″ compilation LP, and thanks to said LP having a cover featuring a dude in a diaper (thus causing me to buy it on the spot, music unheard), Deathslayer’s music found its way through the ages to my doorstep.  And, while the production is atrocious, and the talent questionable, I have to say I’ve really been loving their 1984 demo Cry of the Swords! (more…)

Written by Isley Unruh in: Mid-Month Metal Masterpiece,Music |
Apr
13
2015
0

My Favorite Movies 64 – Ball of Fire (Howard Hawks, 1941)

Ball of Fire upstick

Some movies, when viewed at an impressionable age, can live on in our memories as possessing qualities far beyond their actual worth.  Ball of Fire, I’m happy to report, is not one of those movies.  It basically operates under the same premise as The Big Bang Theory (hot chick moves in with a bunch of nerds–hilarity ensues) and we all know how universally loved The Big Bang Theory is.  Seriously though, it’s a great set-up, I don’t care what they say, and Ball of Fire is an absolute delight to watch, no matter what your age or what your thoughts are as to the brilliance of the premise. (more…)

Apr
06
2015
0

Mailbag Monday 71

Want to have your pressing questions answered by Isley Unruh himself? Send all queries HERE, and I will get to them as soon as I can on a future Mailbag Monday!

Welcome back to Mailbag Monday!  On the first Monday of every month, I take the time from my busy blogging schedule to answer all of my reader’s most pressing questions! Sure, I might have begged, bribed and cajoled my readers into sending me these questions in the first place, but, that still totally counts as reader mail!

This month I answer the following questions:

  • “So what’s this new job you have? I want to know more!”
    -Carol
  • “So what was the deal with that Easter Egg you made? Was that some kind of Satan thing?”
    -Jenny

So, without further ado, it is time to dig into the old Mailbag to see what kind of things have been on my readers’ minds in the last month! (more…)

Written by Isley Unruh in: Humor,Mailbag Monday,Me,Monthly Mondays |
Apr
01
2015
0

Monthly Movie Reviews – March, 2015

Here are some two sentence reviews of the movies I watched in March.

Stats

  • Movies watched – 10
  • Movies that were new to me – 6
  • Monster High movies – 2
  • Monthly Masterpieces – Mr. Hulot’s Holiday

(more…)

Written by Isley Unruh in: Cinema,Monthly Movie Reviews |
Apr
01
2015
0

The top ten most scandalous pictures of Isley Unruh! You won’t believe number 8!

Isley scandal

It’s the first of the month and time for another top ten list!  What’s on the docket this month? Well, let’s just say I lost a bet (never get into an argument about Manowar trivia with Brian–that fucker knows his shit) and, to hold up my end, I’ve agreed to post the ten most embarrassing pictures every taken of myself right here!  Read on to see all the pictures that should have been destroyed the moment they were taken!

(more…)

Written by Isley Unruh in: Me |
Mar
30
2015
4

IO5M 19: The Top Five Julia Stiles Movies and TV Shows

It’s no secret that I’ve got a bit of a thing for Julia Stiles.  Maybe I’m just being a contrarian because of all those people who call her “fish-faced box office poison,” but dammit, she is ALWAYS a delight, even in bottom of the barrel shit-shows like Carolina and Wicked.  So, today, on this most infrequently occurring of all Mondays, I’d like to discuss my five favorite Julia Stiles movies (and TV shows).

(more…)

Mar
23
2015
2

Middle-earth Monday 63: Ravenhill

tolkien lonely mountain original drawing

Welcome back to everyone’s favorite www.isleyunruh.com Monday feature! Middle-earth being the land of enchantment and wonder that it is, each month I will use my love of fictional cartography to transport you to another time and place. So, why not take a moment to fill your head full of knowledge that will have no bearing at all on the real world?

This month I discuss the dwarven guardhouse on the southern arm of the Lonely Mountain: (more…)

Mar
16
2015
1

Minor Key Monday 63: Sisters of Mercy – Temple of Love


I always have to stop myself when I say I like “all kinds of music”. Because, honestly, that just isn’t true, there is really only one kind of music I like. No, not [just] Black Metal, I’m talking about music in a minor key. I mean, I’m a pretty happy guy, but there is something about sad, sad songs that just does it for me. I don’t dislike Vivaldi’s “Spring” and “Fall”, but I far prefer “Summer” and “Winter” (guess which seasons he writes in a minor key). “Satisfaction” is a fine song, but I’d rather listen to “Paint it Black” any day…you get the idea. Basically, it don’t mean a thing if it ain’t got that sting [of soul crushing sorrow and sadness].

This month on Minor Key Monday I discuss a relatively early goth song I recently discovered: (more…)

Written by Isley Unruh in: Minor Key Monday,Monthly Mondays,Music |
Mar
15
2015
1

Mid-month Metal Masterpiece 63: Abhorer – Zygotical Sabbatory Anabapt (1996)

abhorer zygotical

Zygotical Sabbatory Anabapt is one of those albums that tends to get overlooked because it came about 6 years too late.  By 1996, this kind of first wave black death stuff wasn’t exactly wowing people the way Blasphemy’s Blood Upon the Altar did.  Of course, Abhorer was no simple Blasphemy clone, their own album, “Rumpus of the Undead” was actually released early enough to cement their street cred, and is up there with BUtA on the short list of albums TR00 KVLT metalheads pretend are brilliant.  So who cares that they waited until the mid 90s to release follow up material, albums like Zygotical Sabbatory Anabapt are strong enough that they transcend the time of their release.  And besides, they are from Singapore.  All people could do back then was trade tapes, 1996 in Singapore metal time was like 1979 basically! (more…)

Written by Isley Unruh in: Black Metal,Mid-Month Metal Masterpiece,Music |
Mar
09
2015
0

My Favorite Movies 63: Street of Crocodiles (The Brother’s Quay, 1986)

brothers quay crocodiles penis

I’ve always been a little on the fence about experimental film.  I mean, I get it, or at least I think I do, but, at the end of the day, I really just kind of want to watch a STORY.  I’m not saying narrative filmmaking is a more valid means of cinematic expression, I’m just saying, that it sure is a hell of a lot easier to watch!  Like, poetry is great and all, but sometimes I just want to read a novel about an assassin kicking ass!  Ok, sure, I’m being slightly facetious here, but, honestly, if you look over my movie watching history of the past 6 years, you’ll notice, that for such a supposed celluloid snob, I sure watch a lot of “junk” too.  Still, even if *I* claim to sometimes appreciate them, why do most people (myself included a large percentage of the time) find experimental films so hard to watch?  Probably because most people (myself included a large percentage of the time) try to watch them like narratives.  This is bound to leave the viewer disappointed, because, for an experimental film to be truly successful, it needs to be truly incomprehensible.  Disagree?  Read on while I try to explain this position while talking about the Brother’s Quay’s magnificent 1986 stop motion short The Street of Crocodiles. (more…)

Mar
06
2015
0

RE-ZORK VI: Brian VS The Manowarrior

In the early days of computing, before Graphical User Interfaces were commonplace, nerds still needed games to play on their primitive computers. Thus the text based interactive fiction game was born. While the Zork series wasn’t the very first instance of such a game, it was unquestionably the first success in interactive fiction, and phrases like “It is pitch black. You are likely to be eaten by a grue.” remain popular throughout the internet to this day. If you are curious, you can play the original game here:

PLAY ZORK I: The Great Underground Empire

Anyway, in the nostalgic spirit of such games, I now pit my friends, via G-chat, against an interactive fiction AI played by, none other than, myself. For our third installment, we have Brian trying his luck. Brian is a fellow metal head, a former member of my old band Vomit Infestation, an excellent guitar player, and a prolific poster of ice burns in the comment section of this blog.  And, despite some pretty ferocious arguments on how lame the band Manowar actually is, he also happens to be the only person from my high school with whom I still maintain contact. How long will he survive before being devoured by a Grue? Read on to find out! (more…)

Written by Isley Unruh in: Games,Humor,Music,RE-ZORKed |
Mar
02
2015
0

Mailbag Monday 70

Want to have your pressing questions answered by Isley Unruh himself? Send all queries HERE, and I will get to them as soon as I can on a future Mailbag Monday!

Welcome back to Mailbag Monday!  On the first Monday of every month, I take the time from my busy blogging schedule to answer all of my reader’s most pressing questions! Sure, I might have begged, bribed and cajoled my readers into sending me these questions in the first place, but, that still totally counts as reader mail!

This month I answer the following questions:

  • “What prank and/or operation do you most regret not bringing to completion in college?”
    -Eckert
  • “Are all farts a form of shart?”
    -Danny

So, without further ado, it is time to dig into the old Mailbag to see what kind of things have been on my readers’ minds in the last month! (more…)

Mar
01
2015
0

Monthly Movie Reviews – February, 2015

Here are some two sentence reviews of the movies I watched in February.

Stats

(more…)

Written by Isley Unruh in: Cinema,Monthly Movie Reviews |
Feb
24
2015
0

Middle Earth Monday 62: Ethir Anduin

fonstead mouths of anduin map

Welcome back to everyone’s favorite www.isleyunruh.com Monday feature! Middle-earth being the land of enchantment and wonder that it is, each month I will use my love of fictional cartography to transport you to another time and place. So, why not take a moment to fill your head full of knowledge that will have no bearing at all on the real world?

This month I discuss the greatest river delta in all of Middle-earth: (more…)

Feb
22
2015
3

Why Biopics Blow

citizen_kane_death

 

Since 2009 I have watched every single best picture nominated movie before each year’s Oscars ceremony.  At first it was kind of a “why not, I can endure 10 shitty movies in order to get enough ammo to write a snarky blog post about how much they all sucked.”.  Then, for some reason, I decided to keep up the tradition every year thereafter.  But, this year, I have finally decided enough is enough.  If I want to waste precious minutes off of my life, that is what Facebook is for—but this cycle of watching shitty movies must end!  Still, I didn’t want to completely ignore the Oscars this year.  So, tonight I thought I’d take a bit of time to discuss one of the (many) reasons I dislike Oscar movies so much.  Specifically, I’d like to discuss one of my most loathed film genres.  No, not “new-wave 1980s Chinese coming of age dramas about young girls getting their periods right in the middle of an oppressive regime,” this time I’m talking about “biopics.” (more…)

Written by Isley Unruh in: Cinema,Oscars |
Feb
16
2015
3

Minor Key Monday 62: Journey – Separate Ways (Worlds Apart)


I always have to stop myself when I say I like “all kinds of music”. Because, honestly, that just isn’t true, there is really only one kind of music I like. No, not [just] Black Metal, I’m talking about music in a minor key. I mean, I’m a pretty happy guy, but there is something about sad, sad songs that just does it for me. I don’t dislike Vivaldi’s “Spring” and “Fall”, but I far prefer “Summer” and “Winter” (guess which seasons he writes in a minor key). “Satisfaction” is a fine song, but I’d rather listen to “Paint it Black” any day…you get the idea. Basically, it don’t mean a thing if it ain’t got that sting [of soul crushing sorrow and sadness].

This month on Minor Key Monday I discuss one of the many songs that caught my ear from the Tron Legacy soundtrack: (more…)

Written by Isley Unruh in: Minor Key Monday,Monthly Mondays,Music |
Feb
15
2015
0

Mid-month Metal Masterpiece 62: Xasthur – Nocturnal Poisoning (2002)

xasthur nocturnal poisoning cover

I may joke about Xasthur making the same album over and over again, and that may also be entirely true, but, regardless of whether or not Malefic (the sole creative force behind Xasthur) “Vivaldis” things or not, Xasthur is easily one of my favorite black metal bands of the last fifteen years.  And, like the similarly stylistically static Bolt Thrower, Xasthur’s earlier albums have a certain je ne sais quoi that the later albums lack–despite having perfected the sought after aesthetic with each subsequent release.  Nocturnal Poisoning, Xasthur’s first(ish) full length, is one of their best, if you are into that kind of thing.  And besides, no matter what your thoughts are on on the artistic merit of Xasthur, it would be hard to deny that this album is, at the very least, even more depressing than that shirt scene at the end of Brokeback Mountain. (more…)

Written by Isley Unruh in: Black Metal,Mid-Month Metal Masterpiece,Music |

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